When IEP Intake Forms Ask About Your Divorce: What Parents in High-Conflict Situations Need to Know

The author of this article is a non-attorney advocate. Therefore, the contents in its entirety, should not be construed as legal advice, but rather the opinion of the author. Always seek legal advice from a qualified attorney.

You’ve done the hard part—you requested a comprehensive special education evaluation for your child. But now you’ve been handed a “parent intake form,” and you’re staring at personal questions about your relationship with your ex, details about your divorce, and possibly even prompts that touch on abuse. You’re likely asking yourself: Do I really have to disclose this? Is this even relevant to the IEP process? And could this somehow harm my child’s eligibility?

These are important questions—and for parents navigating high-conflict custody situations or recovering from abuse, they deserve clear answers grounded in both law and compassion. Let's walk through what you need to know.

What Details Are Actually Relevant to an IEP Evaluation?

There are only two pieces of information related to family structure that are truly relevant to the IEP evaluation process:

1. Legal custody – Who has educational rights?

2. Physical custody – Where does the child primarily reside?

Legal custody determines which parent has the right to consent to assessments and services. If one parent has sole legal custody or tie-breaking authority, that parent has the right to make educational decisions and assert procedural safeguards under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). Federal law (34 CFR §300.30) affirms that when a court order designates a specific person to make educational decisions, that person is recognized as the “parent” for the purposes of special education.

Physical custody (where your child lives most of the time) matters only for determining district of residence and the neighborhood school responsible for providing services.

Everything else—the circumstances of your divorce, the quality of your co-parenting relationship, whether a parent is remarried, or if your child "had trouble with the divorce"—is not legally relevant to the IEP evaluation process. And in some cases, sharing this information may actually be harmful.

Why Irrelevant Questions on Intake Forms Are a Red Flag 🚩

IEP intake forms are not standardized under IDEA, which means school districts create their own—and unfortunately, some include deeply personal and inappropriate questions. These may include:

• “What is the relationship like with the non-custodial parent?”

• “Did your child experience problems because of the divorce?”

• “When did you remarry?”

• “Did the child struggle with the transition to a stepparent?”

These questions are not tied to any suspected disability. But if answered, they give the district an opportunity to frame your child’s challenges as the result of “social maladjustment” rather than an actual disability. This can lead to your child being denied IEP eligibility—especially under the Emotional Disturbance category—because IDEA explicitly excludes social maladjustment as a qualifying condition.

While you may be able to challenge such a determination through an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) or due process, doing so can be costly, time-consuming, and emotionally draining. It often results in unnecessary delays in getting your child the services they need.

How to Handle Problematic Intake Questions

If you're handed an intake form with intrusive or inappropriate questions, you have every right to protect your privacy and your child’s. Here's how:

• Only answer questions related to who has legal and physical custody.

• For anything else, simply write “Not Applicable” or leave the question blank.

• If the school insists on answers, ask them to explain how the question relates to the suspected disability or the evaluation process.

Remember, you are not legally obligated to disclose personal information about your divorce or abuse history on an intake form. The school cannot use your refusal to answer unrelated questions as a reason to delay or deny your child’s evaluation.

A Special Note on Abuse and Domestic Violence

In situations involving domestic violence, protective orders, or past abuse, many parents—especially mothers—feel a strong urge to disclose details to the school. They may hope that doing so will protect the child or help secure services. Unfortunately, that’s not always how it plays out.

Schools often respond in one of two ways:

• They distance themselves, saying, “That’s a legal matter—we don’t get involved,” or

• They use the information to shift the focus away from disability and toward home-based issues.

Unless the abuse is legally substantiated (such as through a DVRO, CPS substantiation, or a dependency court ruling), disclosure often does more harm than good in the special education context.

If abuse has been substantiated and has impacted your child’s mental health, that can be relevant—especially for evaluations related to trauma, PTSD, or emotional disability. But if the case is still pending or under litigation, it’s often best to avoid disclosing those details until there’s a legal ruling in place.

You Are Not Alone—and You Have Rights

Navigating the IEP process is hard enough. Doing it while also managing a high-conflict divorce or recovering from abuse can feel overwhelming. But please know this: you have rights, and you are not alone.

You are your child’s strongest advocate. Protecting their privacy and ensuring they are evaluated fairly is not just your right—it’s your responsibility. If you're unsure how to proceed or need support navigating these complex dynamics, a trauma-informed special education advocate can help you push back on inappropriate practices and keep the focus where it belongs: on your child’s needs.

If you’re in this situation and need guidance, reach out. You deserve support from someone who understands both the legal system and the emotional realities of parenting through high-conflict situations.